Archive for the ‘Being Human’ Category

The value of beauty — a tricky thing

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Beauty, style, “looking good” – as human beings many of us are in a tug of war with them and the money it costs to have beauty in our lives.

In my 11 years as an interior designer I have noticed that many, if not most of us, are drawn to things we find beautiful, whether it’s a cool pair of shoes, an incredible hotel or home, or the sunset falling behind the trees. On one hand we feel satiated, excited and deeply fed by our connection with these lovely things. But on the other hand, many of us feel the need to denounce beauty as something frivolous, surface, unnecessary, and a waste of money and time, perhaps out of a belief that we can’t afford or don’t deserve it.

Our spirit and our ego act like the cartoon version of the angel and the devil,  one on each shoulder fighting it out — creating chaos in our mind. “Can I have it, this beautiful thing? Do I need it, or is it indulgent? Oh, I can go without it. But I want it!” Back and forth, and on and on. Have you ever had this conversation with yourself before?

So which reigns true? Is beauty a human need or a frivolous desire? My answer: beauty can be both.

What type of life would we lead if we were not to open our hearts and smile at the blooming of a flower, the turning of a leaf from green to crimson orange and gold, or get excited about a lovely piece of clothing that makes us feel like a million bucks or a luscious new paint color on our walls? Beauty and style connect with our hearts, stimulate creativity, bring us joy!! What, exactly, we find beautiful is an individual choice, but we all know it when we see if for ourselves.

AND this being said, if our closet if full of beautiful clothes and we are lucky to see stunning sunsets from our home every day, if then we still feel the constant need for more… perhaps it is not the open-hearted, creative connection with beauty we are seeking. Likely we are using beautiful things to fill a void inside us like a band-aid on the “not good enough” thinking that plagues us inside. Does this mean that if you’re blessed to have enough wanting more is bad? No. It means take a look inside yourself and see where the desire for something beautiful is coming from.

Does your connection with this beautiful thing open your heart and bring you joy, or is it covering up a gashing hole of low self-esteem? How you feel when you imagine paying for it will clue you into it’s hook on you– light and full of warmth or anxious or “deserving.” If it’s the later, a walk in the woods, connecting with the beauty of nature, might be a better fix.

Letting Go and Learning From My Past

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Piper Lauri Salogga

I completed a wonderful coaching course a couple weeks ago, The Art of Developing Leaders. On the way home I was reviewing the stands (grounded commitments) I was taking for my self and my life. It came to me, like Providence speaking, that one was missing. So I promptly added it:

I stand for letting go of the pain and unfulfilled expectations from my past;
I am all that I need to be, I have all that I need to have.

I’ve been on emotional roller coaster ever since.

The last two weeks I’ve felt so small inside, like a victim trapped in my own craziness. I’ve been revisiting all the LACK — I’ve felt very unsure, insecure, alone, and not good enough. Down this road more times than I can count, I’ve taken many a course, therapy session, and performed many forgiveness exercises, I did not want to be here again!

Some of you may already know what’s been going on here. Living in the depths of it, I just got it this morning.

While doing an I Ching reading, The Complete I Ching by Alfred Huang, I pulled Lu, Fulfillment. Reading the passage I was struck by the words “able and content to stay in a lower position…walk(ing) alone with a plain heart to carry out (my) ideal.” Page 114. Then I read, “It is important to review the past and summarize the journey from time to time. This is the only way to accumulate wisdom and achieve success” Page 115.

I took a stand to let go of the pain from my past, a deep dive, as Amba Gale would say, into my commitment to clear my past so that I can live contentedly in the present. SO what happened next was to be expected… the left over pain from my past came up, big time, to be cleared. It would’ve been great if I didn’t have to go here again… but I’m not done with it. The root of my mental undoing is long and I’m in the process of digging deeper to get it all out.

I’m looking forward to freer days when my mind is more still, trusting that the moment I am in is perfect and I am just as I need to be in it.

This too shall pass… and I will be wiser, more content for it!

Connecting from a Loving Heart

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

I’m sweating as I’m posting this. I have not written poetry in a long time, but was moved to after a short, yet very authentic connection with a new friend that left me pensive about the question, “what makes someone shine (radiate from their heart out into the world)?”.

Seeing Me

Bright and shining,
life living inside.

It is love, an open heart,
pushing the edges of my core
so that I feel the stretching,
embrace the living.

It is my breath, deep,
connected to my soul
where dark and light are one –
where there is no wrong.

Oh, the living from this place!
Raw, the loving
so rich, pulsing
with the rhythm of each amazing person

showing me their gift,
vulnerable,
unique presence.
I feel you and your life’s longing.

I thank you for your love,
touching my human heart with yours.
Powerful, yet
as simple as being you, seeing me.

Learning about life from America’s Next Top Model

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

At home sick today I found myself on the Oxygen channel watching five episodes, back to back, of last season’s America’s Next Top Model. Within the first 15 minutes I was drawn in, hook line and sinker. But why, especially since I’m not a big TV watcher?

Sure, the show is about the hopes and dreams of becoming a model and making it big. The fashion and beauty that fills the show is alluring. And, the drama between the girls makes for interesting TV-storyline-tension. But none of these would usually be enough to keep me addicted for 5 episodes in a row.

Amba Gale from the Gale Leadership Development always says that if someone is ready to learn and grow, you could give them the yellow pages and they would find something of substance to use as grist for the mill. Unexpectedly, that’s what happened to me. This is what I took away from America’s Next Top Model:

1. I’m physically not top model material, most of us aren’t, and never will be – so we need to stop trying and love our selves the way we are!

2. Our beauty comes through in our own unique self-expression – be vulnerable and let it shine.

3. True Confidence, rather than overbearing confidence manufactured for the moment, is what makes us attractive to our selves and each other.

4. If seeded at an early age, self-confidence comes naturally — like me, if yours was not seeded early, it’s time to start pulling the weeds, tilling the soil and planting those seeds so you can blossom.

5. Authenticity and belief in yourself is at the root of all success.

6. Passion and the willingness to consistently work at what you love is noticed, honored and rewarded by others.

7. And finally, don’t talk “shit” (or gossip) about others because it will only come back to bite you.

Hilarious, I know. But true none-the-less! I guess lying on the couch for 5 hours watching TV wasn’t as worthless as I thought it was.

Law of Attraction: Step One.

Monday, December 1st, 2008

• Accept and Love Yourself, All of You

• I’ve been studying self-healing/self-help for at least 20 years. And only recently I found a golden nugget of wisdom in a chicken’s carcass. I’m talking about a huge yet simple lesson I just got from picking that chicken apart, limb-by-limb. As I pulled the beautiful meat from the greasy bones, fat and skin, I finally understood the inner feeling of acceptance.

• I have spent years picking my life apart, searching for the piece of knowledge that would fix my pain. But as with the chicken, the yucky bits are as natural as the good. THIS IS GOLD. For me, this means:

• Accepting my own aging bones and less-than-perfect skin while embracing my beautiful smile, open heart and warm embrace.
• Accepting a dwindling bank account while confirming my ability to bring money into my life through clear intention and good work, like the biggest magnet in the world.
• Accepting self-doubt and fear of failure while honoring my continued great efforts and “I can” attitude.

• I could go on, but I think you see a pattern here. I get that it really does take the “good” and “bad” to make all of me, my entire being full of compassion, joy and imperfection. I am—we are—supposed to be this way… Human.

• I’ve heard it said many times, “we are all perfectly imperfect.” And I’ve always blown it off thinking, “Yeah, you might be, but I’m going to be Perfect.” What an uphill battle it’s been. Striving for perfection is of course a losing game – although I played it well and mostly looked like I was winning… except when I would feel trapped and depressed.

• ACCEPTANCE is key. Not just for others but for myself. Acceptance as if God, Spirit, Buddha, whatever you call this amazing energy, was living inside of me every moment, radiating unconditional love into every cell of my being. This is an opening to life, to living. Acceptance.

• I NOW KNOW that I am worth putting my dreams to paper and drawing my desires into my life. As the Law of Attraction suggests, we are what we think. Now, with this greater acceptance of the good and the imperfect, I can effectively use all the techniques I have shared with my clients about the Law of Attraction on myself.

Our Attitudes and Perceptions Shape Our Lives

Friday, November 28th, 2008

Written by Robin Dowdy

The law of attraction states that what we focus our energy upon expands. Focusing on love generates more love. Focusing on the wrongdoing of others generates more people doing wrong. We create our own experience.

When I first started my business, I focused on how I didn’t have enough money or clients. Despite my continual growth, I only saw the gaps in my calendar and bank account. I was stuck in “not enough.” When I was paid, I tossed the checks aside and didn’t deposit them for weeks rationalizing that I wasn’t attached to the money and could alleviate my fears. I thought I was using the law of attraction when I visualized my full client load and full bank account at times during the day, but lack motivated my overall demeanor. The book, The Soul of Money, by Lynne Twist, bridged the gap between my visions of “more” and my belief in “not enough.”

Twist refers to the concept of GREAT FULLNESS. She describes” grateful” as recognizing the GREAT FULLNESS of our lives, bank accounts, relationships, etc. It is experiencing our lives as being so full they are about to spill over to the rest of the world. I embodied this lesson of GREAT FULLNESS accidentally one day after receiving a check. I carelessly tossed the check onto the front steps where my kids sprayed the hose nearby. It hit me that in my attempt to be nonchalant about money, I was devaluing my client, their payment, and my own contribution. To truly experience GREAT FULLNESS, I needed to honor that check, express thanks to the universe for connecting me with this client, and deposit it into my account so that this money could spill over into the rest of the world. I immediately felt more full, connected to my client and the world, and more positive about my business. I felt possibility flow in.

Our attitudes and perceptions generate our lives. We have the power to choose lack, fear, and separateness, or fullness, trust, and connection. Regardless of what you seek more of in your life, start by nurturing what you already have. Honor the money that you do have. Connect with the people whom you already know and love them deeply. Nurture that car, house, or TV that you already have by treating it as if it was the most valuable one on the planet. That which we pay attention to expands. The GREAT FULLNESS of your current existence will fill you with possibility and lead to your dreams flowing in with ease.

Robin Dowdy is parent, educator, business owner and coach.

You can reach her at: Shine Through Coaching, Seattle, WA; 425.941.0819; robin.dowdy@gmail.com

Am I Giving Enough?

Monday, August 25th, 2008

• Written by Robin Dowdy 

 

Am I giving enough?

Am I doing enough?

Am I being a good enough mother? 

These questions plague the serenity of all mothers at one time or another. They hit me when I leave my crying kids and go to work or take time for myself. They assault me when I yell at my kids in anger or when my kids are throwing the tenth or twentieth tantrum of the day over yet another minor detail and I am less than supportive.

 

While these nagging questions serve many purposes, one of the most important is the chance for me to step back and reflect on how I am being and to reaffirm that, yes, I am giving, doing, and being a good enough mother.

 

The moments when I feel like I have let my kids down will happen over and over in my life as a mother and there will be many times when, “no” is the answer to the questions above. No, I am not giving, doing, or being enough because I am completely spent. And even in those cases, the answer is still, “yes” because first and foremost, I, and all mothers, am human. We will fail our children again and again. My own faults range from unbearable to minor and they will affect my children’s lives. And, rather than being cause for despair or resignation, this fact is actually a cause for celebrating the love and connection that my faults invite me to embrace.

 

More important than what my faults are as a mother, is how I handle the situations that arise when they impact my kids. Each instance offers the opportunity for demonstration of what it means to extend and be love in the moments when I am most vulnerable to my own humanity. Admitting my own wrongdoing and asking forgiveness of my children teaches grace and humility. Changing my behavior over time and being transparent about that process builds trust and intimacy. Stopping in the midst of an angry tirade and taking a breath and gathering all in for hugs demonstrates that emotions are transient and though powerful, are not to be feared. Relating to my children’s mistakes and emotional ups and downs with empathy and loving boundaries rather than having to fix them to make my kids look good, teaches them acceptance and trust.

 

Though it feels awful to let my kids down in any way and I strive to do as little harm as possible, I am regularly reminded that through my being imperfect, I am allowing them to learn how to be with and move through their own imperfections and to know that love is present no matter what. Isn’t that better than having to be perfect and what we all want anyway?  

• Robin Dowdy is parent, educator, business owner and coach.
• You can reach her at:
• Shine Through Coaching, Seattle, WA
• 425.941.0819; robin.dowdy@gmail.com 

Single Parent on Vacation

Monday, August 11th, 2008

• This blog begins a set of entries about being human.  We’re all human, or at least I think we are (my husband sometimes tells me he’s from Pluto and sometimes I think he really might be).  In any case, I believe the more we allow ourselves to be human and support each other from this standpoint, rather than trying to be perfect, the happier and healthier we’ll be.
• I’m in Indiana lake country visiting family with my daughter.  Kent, my husband, needed to be home for work and we’re staying with my 85-year-old grandmother.  So I’m essentially a single parent for the week.
• I love my daughter Amelia more than words could say — honestly.  She is an amazing 4 year old with a loving heart, smart mind and sassy wit.  And, she is 4.  I forget this too often… when I expect her to put her dishes in the sink the first time I ask (rather than the 3rd time when I’m close to yelling), or get dressed quickly so she doesn’t miss her ride to school, or stop squealing in a high-pitched voice over that funny thing I don’t get that she made up.

• Anyway last night, tired and ready for some alone time, I forgot she was 4.  She said she was scared to go get nighttime books by herself.  I knew this cottage was a new place, but the light was on and the books were in plain sight just two steps away!  ”How could you be scared?!  There is nothing to be afraid of!” She pleaded and whined and I found myself raising my voice and threatening “No, I will not go with you.  This is ridiculous! There will be No Books if you don’t get out there and pick them out right NOW!” Amelia cried and I conceded and walked the two steps to the hall where the pile of books lay.
• I was feeling badly as she fell asleep on my shoulder mid-way through the second book, I confessed to the universe my less-than-patient mistakes of the night.  Then I asked for help from the I Ching (my trusted guide).  Question: Why do I get so worked up when I could simply help her?
• Answer:  Hexagram 35 - Progressing - change lines 1 & 3  Note: After many years of the Wilhem Baynes translation, I now like using Carol Anthony and Hannah Moog’s contemporary transmutation;  I CHING, The Oracle of the Cosmic Way.
• There were many nuggets of wisdom about change and growing-up, which I wrote in my journal.  And on page 301 I was hit with a brick.  Line 1  ”This line can point to a person who has been attempting to persuade, use leverage and contrivance, instill guilt, claim that there is something wrong with the other, argue, threaten or use physical force.”
• Yea, this was what I did.  Guilt, persuasion and threats can come out of me faster than a bullet from an AK40.  I suppose I come by it naturally through family, who got it from their family behavior (like a bad gene strain).  No matter why I do it, I know it’s wrong.

• I kissed my sleeping beauty still laying on my shoulder and told her that I’m sorry. Tomorrow I will need to tell her again so she can actually hear it, “Mommy messed up… I need to remember to be patient, even when I’m tired… I love you very much.”