My amazing daughter Amelia and money

December 22nd, 2009

The Beauty and Blunder of Being Human

A girl in love with beauty and the human spirit, this is my chronicle of inspirations, connections, flaws and faux pas – it takes all to be a real human being living a full and conscious life.  Cheers to accepting ALL these parts of ourselves, and experiencing more joy from doing so!

Beauty: My amazing daughter Amelia and money

Yesterday we had our first big “ah ha” lesson about the value of money.  This is a huge topic, a topic that spans lifetimes.

So it’s a week before Christmas and Amelia had her heart set on buying a soft, mechanical, purring dog with it’s own bed and comb.  She wanted it so badly that she said she would pay for it with her own money.  Amelia is 5 -1/2 so her piggy bank is not loaded.  I told her we would go home and count the money from her “spend” section of her Edward Jones piggy bank (Thank you Allen!!  This bank is a lifesaver in this particular money-christening moment)!

Once home and counting, Amelia made it to 3 dollars and 82 cents.  The cost of the dog was 30 dollars plus tax.  Now it’s time to break the news.  “Honey you need 30 more dollars to have enough to pay for the dog,” I said.  “I can take the money from the rest of my bank, I don’t need it.  I can use it on the dog!” Amelia replied.  “No. No, honey,” I said.  “You need that money in those other areas.  Your savings for when you really need something and you don’t have the money.  Your investment section is to help you buy a really cool grown-up bike or a car some day.  And your donation money is to give to someone in need, to open your heart and share with others in a way that is meaningful to you.”  Ok, lots of big talk for a five year old, but if she got just 10% of it, I made a good start!

So she asked me to pay for it saying she would pay me back — $30 is a lot for a 5 year old to pay back (4 months of setting the table at $0.25 a pop every night).  “Too big of a loan” I told her.  “$2 or $3  I would be willing to loan you, but you need to build up your credit history so I will feel more comfortable with a big loan like $30.”  “What’s credit history?” she asked, concurrently sobbing because she knew she was not going to get the dog.   I tried to explain it in 5 year-old terms ending with “You have to work your way up to $30.”  She sobbed more.  “That won’t due Mama.” I heard.  “No.  That won’t due.  I need something warm and cuddly to comfort me.  I need that dog!  I have to have it now.”  Very sad face.

OH Shit, I thought.  This is where retail therapy begins and I so don’t want her to get caught in that nightmare – I know the vicious cycle first hand, and it sucks!  Just stay away form the stores Amelia.  Stay away!!!

So I rubbed her back as she cried and cried, very disappointed.  I told her she could snuggle with the soft cuddly stuffies she had.  No that won’t due, I was told.  “I need something new Mama.”  My head was spinning.  Don’t panic I told myself.  This is not about your past, this is about Amelia.  Ask questions.  Don’t make assumptions.  Ask questions! So I asked, “Why is it so important that you have something new tonight, Amelia?”   The answer: “Tomorrow is a big day.  I’m going to have to get up in front of a lot of people and say my lines for the play and I’m really scared.  I need something really special to make me feel better.”  More crying.  Big, big crying.  Oh… now I get it. I said to myself.  Big moment.  Now I know where this is coming from.  Oh, Thank God!! I’m so relieved. I continued to rub her back and sympathize with her feelings.  “Yep, getting on stage and performing in your first big school play is a big deal.  And it is scary.  Awh, sweet girl.  I’m sorry you feel so scared.  But I know you’re going to do a great job.”  Soon the crying quieted down.  There was a big sigh.  I sighed too.

Then she told me she had to wear all black on stage – Oh! That’s new news.  Not much black in this little girls closet, I realized.  NEXT! We were off to figuring out what she was going to wear…  No more talk about the mechanical soft purring dog.  No more talk about money.  It was all about the black clothes now - a nice needed distraction.

We made it through my daughter’s first major impulse to use a retail band-aid, and this is truly a beautiful thing!!

Note: Amelia made sure she set the table that night and asked for her allowance right after she completed her task.  Maybe the 10% she got was more about “work equals more money in the bank!” rather than “don’t shop when you have an emotional hole to fill.”  No matter the lesson she learned, she’s on the road to becoming a fiscal participant in our capitalistic human society.   If she’s lucky, and we can keep parenting right, maybe a conscious fiscal participant too.  ☺

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