Success and Essence

February 15th, 2009

by Robin Dowdy

I met a woman the other day who was incredible. She radiated energy, strength, and intelligence. Her beauty was clear and glowing. All around her, people rose to meet her, both figuratively and literally. She was a presence.

There was only one problem. She did not know her impact on others and did not know this was her true self. Thus, when in conversation with her, it often felt like she was on the verge of attack. At first I expected the attack to fall on me as she is so smart I was certain she would pounce on my own foibles. But after relaxing into my own being, I realized the attack was on her.

It was as if she kept beating her head with an invisible hammer. She thought the hammer was keeping her in line, motivated, and perfect. Unfortunately, the hammer was distracting herself and everyone else from the perfection she already embodied. She thought she was having marketing problems with her business. What I asked her was, “what difference would it make to your business to take the hammer away and trust who you are?” She welled up into tears.

Many of us believe that we have to work hard to succeed. We push ourselves to meet some external barometer of “success” that continually changes. We are judgmental, hyper-critical, self-deprecating, and down-right mean to ourselves in service of making ourselves succeed. We exhaust ourselves while making an incredible mess. The people around us stagger away dazed and confused by our attacks, and we wonder why we don’t have deeper relationships or aren’t attracting more clients.

As a coach, I work with my clients to distinguish and rely upon their own unique essence. The essence is the true self, our innate greatness. The essence is something that exists all the time, it is who we are. We don’t have to try to be it, we just are.

My job is to reflect this essence to my clients and then reflect when they are choosing fear, effort, strategy, or walls instead of their essence. What they finally learn is that all this effort is wasted energy. They are already perfect. They cannot tarnish their wholeness.

When we get this and sink into who we really are, questions of success are not even on the horizon. Our being is like a magnet. It draws love and connection, and it makes a difference. By simply being who we are, we cannot help but experience a full, beautiful, successful life.

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